Ritual Musings for Assisted Dying

I was struck reading the excellent article in the Press Democrat by Kerry Benefield about Ralph Harms desire to end his life on his own terms due to terminal cancer. He called together family and friends to be with him on his last day. One of those participants noted that "we don't have rituals" for this kind of event.

My mother died of ALS in the early 1990's. She asked the Hospice nurse if she could have a shot at one point in her journey. The nurse said she could not do that, but described what some people did to hasten their death. The one my mother choose was to stop eating as soon as she couldn't eat comfortably anymore. Having this experience with my mother, gives me the perspective that assisted dying is a good thing and people facing terminal illnesses should have the ability to decide their own death and how they want to do it, if possible.

The remark about ritual made me think about this for my own ministry. How would I suggest ritual activities for an assisted dying? Certainly, if it was a pagan family, there are many things that could be done. For example, the article describes three drinks Ralph had to drink to fulfill his wish. Each drink could be blessed by all the participants and the person dying and filled with the energy of positive intention for a smooth death and wonderful afterlife experience. Or they could be devoted to the Maiden, Mother and Crone. Before the drinks are started, there are so many ways such an experience could be ritualized - participants could tell stories, as shown in the article. The dying person could talked about their life as well and what they hope for in their next life. Now would be the time to pass along any family stories or wisdom gathered from a lifetime. The family and friends could put the dying person in the middle and do a group hug around her or him. Expressing love at this time would be so important. Prayers could be offered, deities invoked to help with safe and easy passage. The dying person could offer last words to family and friends. In the article, I loved that Ralph's son showed a series of pictures meaningful to Ralph, so that's what he saw as he was dying. This is a great idea and something to think about for your own death. If possible to create, what would you want to see and hear at your dying time? There may be favorite music to play. Perhaps all the participants could chant over the death bed. These are some of the many ways we could ritualize assisted dying.

Ralph was a friend of Kerry's father and wanted her to write the story so more people would know they have this option in California now. Should anyone in our Pagan community be faced with such an issue, I hope this also provides incentive to explore all the options. Contact me for any spiritual help with dying. My main deity is Hekate, who can move easily between the underworld and our world. And I feel inspired to help the dying.